I think i beat myself up about some things that happened. Concerning this boy.
I don’t have closure. And I’m not sure why. I think it’s because I hold the past over myself. I don’t think I’ve forgiven myself where he is concerned.
I was a kid. I wanted to be liked, loved and accepted. And i wanted him to like me because i was invested.
I recently realised this. I had to forgive myself. I had to let the past go, let those things that made me cringe, go, and move past them.
I am the type of peron who remembers things. Memories from twenty years ago are still embedded in my brain, clear as daylight. And this isn’t helpful when you want to forget.
But forgiving is better than forgetting. Forgiving me, for behaving in a way that was not me. For being needy and clingy and embarrassing.
I have to own that i was those things, and move on. I won’t let them dictate my future.