I feel like I’ve had the tendency to crush on guys who are emotionally unavailable to me. Or really just unavailable in most ways. I like to think that I’m an advocate for self-worth and fighting for oneself, but maybe, subconsciously,  I don’t think I am worthy. Maybe I’ve believed the lie that I’m not dateable or likeable by guys i like. At the same time, I ask myself, why do i attract these guys? Why am i attracted to them?
The last three who have been in my life significantly. Good guys, for all intents and purposes,  good friends even, but, I found myself falling into this hole, this sticky web of feelings, while they could carry on with their lives, onto the ones they deem worthy.
Tonight I feel like I don’t measure up. As if every single reason is against me. I’m just emotional.

I wish I could have honest conversations with these people,  ask them why, ask for a reason.
Why didn’t i make the cut? Why did you never see me? Was I too much?
So many questions.