I am super brave. I moved halfway across the world to study in a country where English isn’t the main country spoken. I work and study. And i am responsible.
But the last year has taught me that there have been some deep-seated issues surrounding relationships and my relationships with boys in particular. I met someone. And i didn’t know what to do about it. He also would end up leaving to go back to the US at some point which i didn’t know at the time. I realised that my encounters with boys in the past had taught me to be afraid of reactions. Or non-reactions. They’d taught me to blame myself because maybe I’d been too much. Maybe I’m a lot to deal with. Too outspoken, too opinionated, a firecracker, a firestarter. Too much woman. I’d internalised these things and I swore I wouldn’t be that this time.
But that was acting out of fear. Which is something I never want to do. So I had to work through those issues. Why do i feel this way? Who told me i was too much?
I would write a letter to this person and second-guess myself because, what if i was being too much?
My sister said something she’d picked up from watching an Oprah life class, and she shared it with me. It was one of the most freeing things I’d heard in a long time and it moved me to act.
“What would your bravest self do? What would your strongest self do?”
My bravest self acts without fear. And always expects good. My bravest and strongest self is confident in who she is.
I think that sometimes we allow the past to dictate our present and then our future. We think that because it was that way in the past, it will be that way in the future. As though out default setting is that fearful behaviour. As if we are condemned to repeat our mistakes over and over again. As someone who thinks a lot, I tend to replay moments and condemn myself for them. But I’m learning. Maybe we were immature back then, fine, but let’s forgive ourselves and let it go. Don’t letthe past impede on the hope and good you can expect from the future. Don’t let your past self keep you from being your best self today.
Today, I am being intentional about being my bravest self.
I hope you are too.